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So I'm at home getting ready to do some research sippin on coughee. I decided to start an online journal for one my hand cramps up like hell. two. why not? Anyway I soon hope to be going to school for fashion. Its gonna take me a little longer than expected to get there but I will. My boyfriend brought to my attention that why I'm getting ready to go to school I should also utilize the time to learn as much as possible and also identify what I want to represent.

To me for some reason it does seem a little hard. I thought then that maybe I also need to identify myself a little bit. So thats another reason why I decided to do an online journal. Since hand cramping kinda prevents in then I can do it this way. Hell I spend all day typing at work anyway. So yep thats what Im here to do. Get better each day starting with me.

Well this sure is a start.

So today my dog Daisy had seven lab puppies four black one. all male except one and three yellows all female except one. Funny I know. We almost lst the last one cause she had fluide stuck in her noise and was turning BLUE. But she's ok now and is doing great. other than that, I won high point last night at a speed show. YaY. lol good times. Grr school starts in less than a day. bummer dude!. lol jk Dont wry I wont say that or I should say type that ever again!. hahaha well wtyl!

Its been a while & hell where do I begin. Mikes aunt Lori told me he let Mindy keep AJ but she couldn't handle her &�took her to Michelles. I confronted him on this & finally told him how I knew & he to this day is denying it. My trust is so broken in him. I never thought he would do this. He has no respect for me as her mother. At the same time I am still hurt & angry. How could he detroy everything for Mindy? He was suppose to take Aleea today but he won even answer my texts. He never called to tell her good night last night &�she cried to call him. She deserves better &�so do I. I am just waiting for that person I guess the man he used to be. Sometimes I regret leaving IL because I know we would still be together. AJ would have him every day not just part time when Mindy will allow him to see her. He even canceled last Firday noght on his weekend because he was sick but yet he goes to work the next day. I was so sick I & yet I kept her. Where the is a will there is a way! I guess nowits tiime to make my way through all of this & find HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

�well life gets worse all the time round here and why because pepole gosip and spead lies and in the mean time i have lost my one true friend and miss him so much we used to have a laugh together tell each other our thoughts and problems but other people just said we were having an afair and that he was just sniffing round waiting for his chance .we had been friends for seven years and i realy could tell him any thing i miss my freind so much ,its been about two months since we last spoke and i miss him i have no one else to talk to now and im lonley with out him . i dont know what to do now�

Heya.

I can't believe just the first day going back to school I already hate it. How does it happen so fast, isn't it supposed to come in gradually? Well, no, not this time. I�didn't even last the first hour and by lunch, i was ready to go home and cry. I know. VERY VERY pathetic. If i can't last now... what will high school be like? What.. blahbee? you don't even have friends. As stupid as that sounds. Yes I do have friends, just not the kind that you want to spend time with everyday. I know that it's entirely because of me... what can I do? Um.. like... TALK to them? Yeah.. maybe i just wanna save my voice for highschool. Maybe I wanna be a loner. You can't say anything to that now can you. It's what i chose and i couldn't seem to get out of this trance. Loser. Loner. Bitch. Call me whatever you want because chances are, I won't see you again after 10 months.

Now... don't judge me, I wasn't always like this. I couldn't help but notice the timing : Stupid boy messes with me, BOOM! I'm anti-social.

Or... maybe i should stop fucking complaining about my "suckish" life when actually in another point of view is something to die for.

Maybe i should go get a life instead of watching from the sidelines.

love

blahbee

Today,

was the last time.

that tears,

for you,

will fall from these eyes.

Today,

it rained,

inside and out,

flooded our dream house.

Today,

You're son and I cried,

over and over we� broke with time.

So today is the last time will call.

because this is the last time,

I will ever choose to fall.